By Joe Pisani
TRUMBULL — Once a week at St. Joseph’s Center, chaplain Father Nicholas Pavia gets together with patients and friends for a different type of book club: to discuss bereavement.
Father Pavia, who says he’s been an avid reader since he was a child, believes this topic is important in our time, especially in a nursing home environment, where he is confronted with death and dying almost daily.
“People are hurting because they don’t know what to do with their grief,” he said. “And it’s important to have a ministry that will help them move along in their life because they can either be stuck in that grief or can have a new day.”
Father Pavia works with Carolyn Killian, Director of Bereavement for Catholic Cemeteries, who facilitates sessions of the nine-week New Day Program, designed to help those who have suffered a loss.
“We are blessed to have Father Nick develop this pilot bereavement book program,” Killian said. “He brings incredible dedication and compassion to his work with those who are grieving.”
“Over the years, I’ve had many book clubs, but this one is very special,” Father Pavia said. “Grief is a topic that we all can relate to, and I’ve known it in my own life.”
The club, which is a pilot program, meets in three-week intervals from 1 to 2 pm on Wednesday with the purpose of leading participants to an understanding of grief in their lives through the readings and the discussions, he says.
The first book they read was “Tears of God: Persevering in the Face of Great Sorrow or Catastrophe” by the late Father Benedict Groeschel, C.F.R., best-selling author, psychologist and retreat master, who hosted a program on EWTN.
The book offers advice and hope to those enduring great sorrow and relates their personal experiences to the Catholic belief in God’s infinite goodness and mercy and Christ’s suffering and death on the cross.
Father Pavia, who has always been a fan of Father Groeschel’s writing, recalled that shortly after he was ordained, he met the Franciscan friar in New York City at the installation of the late Cardinal Edward Egan. Father Groeschel asked for a blessing from the newly ordained priest, but first offered him some advice.
“Son, I’m happy that you’re a priest,” he said, “But before you bless me, don’t do like so many others and go on and on and on. Just keep it simple.”
Father Pavia took the suggestion to heart.
“When I used to watch him on EWTN, I liked his Bronx attitude,” Father Pavia recalled. “He was very earthy, but knew exactly how to talk to people.”
The next author he is considering for the book club is Boston College philosophy professor Peter Kreeft. A convert to Catholicism, Kreeft has written more than 80 books on theology, Christian philosophy and apologetics.
Among Father’s favorites are Love Is Stronger Than Death and Making Sense Out of Suffering.
“His books are good, easy reads, and they’re books that let you take one sentence or one thought and use it to have a great discussion,” Father Pavia said. “A book is a vehicle for listening and sharing and discussion.”
In working with those who are grieving, listening is essential, says Father Pavia, who was recently appointed chaplain of the Bereavement Ministry of the diocese.
“When it comes time to listen, I ask the Lord, ‘Please shut my mouth so that I listen more than I speak,’” he said.
He also believes our faith can sustain us when we are grieving.
“We grieve, but we don’t grieve like the world because we have hope,” he says.
He speaks from experience. His father Nicholas died at 38, and he later suffered the loss of his sister and brother.
“Each step of the way, God has given me experience and tools to help me in my priesthood,” he said. “All my family life, we have known grief and death. I was only four when my father died and now I understand, especially after seeing the example of my mom, who is 94 and raised us six kids. Thank God I was born into a real human, messy family. That’s why sometimes I am effective with people because they see a real human being behind the collar.”
Father participated in the New Day Bereavement Program at St. Michael the Archangel Parish in Greenwich to help him cope with the loss of his sister Andrea, who died in 2011 at 47, and his brother Thomas, who died six months later at 56, leaving behind three sons and a daughter.
Father is a trained facilitator in New Day and intends to offer the program at St. Joseph’s Center, a Genesis healthcare facility in Trumbull.
He said he agrees with Bishop Frank J. Caggiano, who says we have to accompany others in small groups on their faith journey.
Father Pavia is currently a priest in residence at St. Roch Parish in Greenwich, which allows him to be close to his 94-year-old mother in Stamford and care for her.
A native of Stamford, Father was one of six children born to Carmela (Chickie) and Nicholas Pavia. Before discerning his vocation to the priesthood, he held positions at Stamford Hospital and was active in Stamford politics. He served on the Stamford City Council and later as a State Representative in the Connecticut General Assembly.
He was ordained in 2000 by then-Bishop Edward Egan and was assigned parochial vicar at St. Stephen Parish in Trumbull, where he served from 2000 to 2007, followed by St. Joseph Parish in Shelton, from 2007 to 2014, and Our Lady of Peace Parish in Stratford, where he was pastor from 2014 to 2022.
For more information about the Bereavement Book Club or the Bereavement Ministry of Catholic Cemeteries, call Carolyn Killian at (203) 404-0023 or email bereavement@ctcemeteries.org
