By Joe Pisani
NEW CANAAN — The road to Emmaus was a lonely one for those two disciples who were dejected and disillusioned after Jesus’ crucifixion … until he came up beside them and walked with them on their journey. That was 2000 years ago, but even today, the Road to Emmaus can get awfully crowded.
Monsignor Robert M. Kinnally, vicar general of the diocese and pastor of St. Aloysius Parish, believes that Gospel story shows the importance of accompanying one another on the road of life during times of suffering, crisis or tragedy. And that’s the aim of Stephen Ministry, a one-on-one lay ministry that brings Christ’s healing love to people who are hurting. St. Aloysius recently launched the program with the commissioning of 16 ministers.
Just as at Emmaus, Monsignor Kinnally believes that “people in tragedy and darkness don’t see God because they’re so hurt and overwhelmed that they need someone to help them, and Stephen ministers will pull them out of the darkness.”
“This is about walking together,” he says. “So many people come broken, and they aren’t able to help themselves. Stephen Ministers say, ‘Let’s do this together. You’re hurting, you’re tired, you’re frustrated, and I can help you.’ So when we tell our story and another person listens carefully, together you decide how you continue on this walk. The ministers make it clear they can’t necessarily ‘solve’ anything, but they can tell you where God is in all of this and help you find him.”
Father David Roman, the parochial vicar who co-leads the ministry with parishioner Pat Calanca, described it as “Christ caring for people through people.” Catholic laymen and women have been trained in skills of listening and loving and just being with people in need.
“At its core, Stephen Ministry is about lay empowerment so lay men and women can be ministers of prayer, of accompaniment and agents of God’s love, who reach out to people who are hurting,” he said.
The ministry, which is in more than 13,000 congregations from 170 different denominations worldwide, offers “help, hope and healing.” It trains lay people to provide “one-to-one Christ-centered care,” thereby supplementing the efforts of pastors and priests.
Father Roman, who is entering his fifth year at St. Aloysius, said Stephen Ministry is a natural evolution of the parish’s Wellness Ministry, which he and Calanca started.
“The Wellness Ministry, which is going into its third year, is for people who have chronic illness or for their caregivers. I found there are a lot of people who are suffering, a lot of people who are struggling with, say, cancer, a lot of people who are dealing with grief and loss, a lot of people who are dealing with depression. And it was often the case that people wanted to meet with me all the time, and I said okay, but I realized we needed something here so they can gather in a special way, so people with chronic illness can form a community that can strengthen them.”
Father Roman believes Stephen Ministry promotes the spirit of Vatican II, which encourages lay engagement. It is also focuses on a favorite theme of Pope Francis, which is “accompaniment,” whereby we accept people where they are in their faith journey and walk with them.
“It’s a great gift to the Church for lay people to step forward and embrace their pastoral authority, to embrace the fact they are sons and daughters of the Father who can bring healing and hope to their brothers and sisters,” Father Roman said. “This will be a huge help to the priests because it will let us refer people to the trusted men and women who’ve gone through an extensive formation process.”
Father Roman says there is a need for the ministry at St. Aloysius, along with a great openness and receptiveness to it by parishioners. After he mentioned the ministry to Bishop Frank J. Caggiano, “he was totally on board with us going down the path of introducing it to St. A’s.”
Calanca, the ministry’s lay leader, said the difficulties people are dealing with can include the loss of a loved one, a separation or divorce, illness, relocation, financial or family problems, loneliness and depression. As one of the five Stephen Leaders, she is responsible for administering the program and training parishioners to be Stephen Ministers, who will meet regularly with a “care receiver.” Their relationship will last as long as necessary and be entirely confidential.
Calanca also believes the ministry will help lessen the demands on the clergy. She recalls the day she was in the rectory, when several people wanted to talk with Monsignor or pray with him about difficult situations. At his request, she did some research and discovered Stephen Ministers, which also exist at St. Mary Parish in Ridgefield. As a first step, five people were trained as leaders and brought the training to those who wanted to become ministers.
Stephen Ministries is an independent, not-for-profit Christian organization founded in St. Louis in 1975 by psychologist Rev. Kenneth C. Haugk. It was named after St. Stephen, one of seven deacons appointed by the Apostles to help members of the early Christian community by offering charitable aid and distributing food, according to the Acts of the Apostles.
“Our culture as Catholics is to go to the priests in our distress, whether it’s a mosquito bite or a volcano, but in this case, the priest will ascertain whether to recommend a Stephen Minister,” Calanca said. She is then contacted and refers the “care receiver” to a minister.
In promoting the ministry, the church told parishioners: “At times we can experience significant difficulties leaving us feeling isolated and alone. If you, or someone you know, is experiencing a difficult life situation — such as the loss of a loved one, medical crisis, divorce, family issues, job loss, or caregiving challenges — please consider reaching out to a Stephen Minister. Stephen Ministers at St. Aloysius are extensively trained lay Catholic men and women who accompany people emotionally and spiritually through difficult situations. A Stephen Minister will meet one-on-one with anyone who is in need to provide a confidential and non-judgmental listening ear.”
The recently commissioned parishioners are Leaders Kevin Shanley, Tracey Carriera, Robert Kretzman, Michael Crane and Pat Calanca, along with Stephen Ministers Nancy Shullman, Judy Gilroy, Kristen Hall, Melissa Lopez, Patricia Pagano, Michelle Lavelle, Collette Gardner, Anne Merwin, Meg Mehos, MaryAnn DeFelice and Mike Giambra.
For further information, contact Father David Roman at frdavid@starr.com or Pat Calanca at patcalanca@outlook.com
Monsignor Kinnally said he was grateful to the ministers who took the time to go through the training and are willing to accompany their fellow parishioners.
“The coordinators have done a great job, along with Father David who is helping to facilitate the ministry from the clergy,” he said. “It will make an amazing difference in the life of our parish.
